Sadiq S BhatUnited Nations — The United Nations assembly hall braced for theatre.
UNGA 80. Flags lined the marble hall, translators on edge, diplomats and delegates in rapt attention, world media in attendance, pens poised.
US President Donald Trump took the podium on Tuesday morning. A man who once turned these same walls into his set piece back in 2018.
True to his form, Trump did it again.
The laughter came in bursts. Some warm, some nervous, some awkward.
Here are the seven top moments that stood out.
1. The teleprompter mutiny
Trump opened with sabotage. "The teleprompter is not working,” he announced.
"But I don't mind. I can speak from the heart." Then came the punchline: "Whoever is operating this thing is in big trouble." The room cracked. The ice broke.
2. The escalator mishap
Mid-speech, the US President swerved. "All I got from the United Nations was an escalator that stopped halfway," he said.
"If the First Lady wasn’t in great shape, she would've fallen. But she's in great shape. We both are."
Laughter rolled across the delegates, a mundane malfunction turned into public showmanship.
3. Strongly worded letters
Trump mocked the global institution itself.
"What is the purpose of the United Nations? All they do is write a strongly worded letter." A roast. Sharp, sarcastic. There were roans mixed with chuckles in the august hall.
4. The Prize he didn't want
The US President claimed credit for ending seven wars in the last seven months.
"Everyone says I should get the Nobel Peace Prize," he mused. "But I don't care about prizes, I care about saving lives."
The hall laughed, not at the humility but at the hubris disguised as it.
5. The Trump hat
Then came the prop. "I have a hat. It says, 'Trump was right about everything.'"
In this cathedral of diplomacy, a merch plug. Out of place, and hilarious for it.
Heads of state, diplomats, and delegates laughed, almost in disbelief.
6. Really good at this stuff
The US President leaned in. "I am really good at this stuff. Your countries are going to hell."
The line, intended for Western countries, hit hard. The room laughed again, partly in shock, partly because only he would say it that way.
7. Mahogany, marble, and a bargain
Trump slipped into a familiar groove, telling the stunned gathering that he once offered to redo the UN's aging New York headquarters — marble floors, mahogany walls, the full real estate flourish for $500 million.
A steal, he said, compared to the bloated bill the organisation eventually paid for a plainer refit. The line landed as both sales pitch and roast, turning the iconic UN tower into shorthand for waste.
Later in his hour-long speech, Trump praised "clean, beautiful coal." The words hung odd in a chamber where climate pledges filled the agenda. There was staccato laughter again, tinged with irony.
Trump's speech swayed between humour and rebuke, boast and ridicule.
Gaza, Syria, Palestine recognition, Ukraine, immigration — some serious threads ran through it, but in between, there was the characteristic Trumpian flair.
This Tuesday, Trump, the quintessential New Yorker, turned the global assembly into a New York crowd: chuckling, somewhat uneasy, but entertained.
